Why is it that we are so quick to compliment our friends on their looks, things that are shallow and fleeting, but rarely celebrate who God made our friends to be? Think about it. Which is more meaningful to you? When a friend tells you your makeup looks good or when she tells you she admires your honesty? When you are complimented on your outfit or when you are told you have a compassionate and giving heart? When your friend tells you she likes your hairstyle or when she tells you that she appreciates how loyal you are? Maybe you disagree with me, but I’d choose the latter options, the ones that require a relationship. Not only do these mean more to me in the moment, but they are lasting. When a friend compliments you on your shirt, that’s applicable only when you wear that shirt. Compliments on virtues we clothe ourselves in every day, such as compassion, humility, and patience (Colossians 3:12) are always relevant. When I am having a rough day, I can be encouraged by remembering that someone noticed my attitude, not so much by the fact that they noticed one shirt that I wore someday a few months ago.
Anyone can compliment you on your appearance, but it takes someone who knows you to some extent to recognize positive qualities and attributes that you possess. When we look deeper than the outward appearance of our friends, we can see how Jesus is changing them: who the Father has created them to be and how the Holy Spirit is working in them. Not only does noticing people’s qualities allow us to encourage them, but it also helps us to grow in our relationship with them and Christ. I know that my friends who encourage me and speak truth to me are my dearest friends. I also know that being around people who shine Christ’s life pushes me closer to Him.
Do you know what’s even better than sharing with our friends when we recognize God working in them? Speaking truth to our friends about their identity when they are struggling to place their worth in Christ. As a young Christian female in today’s society, it is so hard to place my value in something outside of myself. The only way that I can fight the enemy’s lies that I am unworthy is by reading God’s word and calling on Jesus to intercede for me and fight on my behalf. In the past, I’ve focused only on this. Now, don’t get me wrong. Our relationship with God and our devotion to spending time reading Scripture and praying should always be our first priority, but God didn’t create us to go through life alone. God created us to live not only in relationship with Him but also in community with others. In my life, I need people to hold me accountable. I need my friends to remind me that the Father loves me, Jesus died on the cross for me, and the Holy Spirit is moving in my life. If I could benefit from those reminders, I am sure that others could too. I am going to try to be intentional about lifting my friends up with the truths that the Bible provides, especially when I observe that they are struggling. I hope that you will join with me in this journey. Remind your friends that they are made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27). Tell them that they are conquerors (Romans 8:37). Proclaim that your friends are forgiven, even when it is difficult for them to forgive themselves (Ephesians 1:7).
Speaking truth to others is one of the best ways to lift them up. Sure, it’s fine to admire someone’s shoes and let them know that, but don’t get caught up in that. Don’t expedite Satan’s scheme to try to get us to compare ourselves to others and to put our worth in earthly things. Instead, make it a priority to declare the Word to those around you and reveal to them the ways you see God working in them. Find your identity and significance in Christ and help others to do the same. Don’t let society tell you who you are (Romans 12:2) because when you see yourself through the lens of our culture, you will never be enough. When you learn to see yourself and others the way God does, you will begin to love yourself and those around you, and you will begin to live joyfully.
