Growing up in a Christian family, I was taught from a very young age that I needed to love my neighbor (Matthew 22:39). I was told that I needed to love my enemies (Matthew 5:44). I was told to put others before myself. I learned the JOY acronym: Jesus first, Others second, Yourself last. My parents and Sunday School teachers read to me the stories of The Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37) and Zacchaeus (Luke 19:1-10) and shared verses that said to “turn… the other cheek” (Matthew 5:39). I even learned about how Jesus forgave the criminal that hung next to Him as they were crucified together (Luke 23:43). These are just a few of the examples in my Christian growth journey that have pointed me to love and forgiveness.
The Bible says in 1 John 4:8: “Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” God is love! If we want to be like Christ, we need to love. The Bible is clear on that, and I believe that any true follower of Christ would agree, but love is messy. Lately, I’ve had a problem with loving others. I’ve been loving others in a not so wise way. I’ve often loved others in a way that has left me worn out, broken, and distant from God, rather than closer to Him. The first problem here is that I often try to love others by myself. When I don’t abide in God and rely on Him to help me love others, I fail (John 15:4). Whether it be love, patience, compassion, or joy, we can’t do this on our own. We must remain grounded in Jesus. That’s why the command to love God is given before the command to love others.
Consequently, we can’t love others well if we don’t first love God well. This is what has caused me to not be able to love others well. I get caught up in loving others so much that I allow myself to enter into circumstances and conditions that prevent me from loving God well. Specifically, I see people who either don’t have a relationship with Christ or who have turned away from God and I decide that it is my responsibility to love them and devote my time and energy to showing them the love of Christ. But they are far from Christ, and the more time I spend with them, the further they pull me away from Christ.
The truth is, it’s much easier to pull someone down than it is to help someone up (1 Corinthians 15:33). When I spend time around people with negative attitudes, my attitude tends to be more negative. When I spend time around people who gossip, I tend to get more involved in talking poorly about others. Then, even though I am trying to love others, I am actually not loving others and am not loving God with everything that I am. Finding the balance between loving others and guarding my own heart hasn’t been easy. I am still struggling with it, but I’ve learned that it’s necessary to not get so caught up in loving others that I forget to protect myself.
One thing I’ve learned about myself is that in order to guard my heart, I have to be more aware of how others are acting and how their actions are influencing me (Proverbs 4:23). I have to be intentional about recognizing when someone is tearing me down, rather than building me up. I have to reflect on how my judgment is altered when those around me make poor choices. If I want to be encouraging, if I want to use wholesome language, if I want to love God well, I have to make sure that I’m surrounding myself with people who influence me to be encouraging, use wholesome language, and love God well (Proverbs 27:17).
Sometimes you need to unfollow people in real life. That doesn’t mean you stop loving them. It doesn’t mean you can’t check in on them every once in awhile. It doesn’t mean you won’t see their interactions with other people you know. It just means you do what you can to control your conditions so that you can better guard your heart (Proverbs 12:26). Unfollowing people who pull you away from Christ will allow you to love God better and ultimately love others better. In order to successfully love others, you have to first love God. When you choose to prioritize your relationship with God, not your friend’s or your neighbor’s or your classmate’s relationship with God, others will more clearly see Him shining in you. Keep loving others, but make sure that you love God first, even if that means you have to love others in a different way than expected.
Photo: Quotes ‘nd Notes
