If you’re anything like me, you love to be in control.  Actually, if you’re like me, you don’t just love to be in control, you crave being in control.  In my life, being in control means that I can achieve the perfect life that I desire, or at least make it look like my life is perfect.  But, there are two problems with my yearning to be in control.  The first problem is that my life will never be perfect while I’m in charge because I’m not perfect.  The second problem is that because there will always be situations where I am not in control, I’m left unsatisfied.

     Lately, my life has been a mess.  It hasn’t been the pretty package tied up with a bow that I try to make it.  I haven’t had everything in my control, and it’s been driving me crazy.  As I pray, I tell God that I surrender my life to Him and want Him to take over, but in my heart, I am not willing to give up my power.

     I ask God to show me what to do, but my intentions aren’t pure.  I really only want God to open one door or close another so that I can figure out the next step to take, before taking the reins back into my own hands.  I go to Him only when I want something.  I tell Him what I want and then expect Him to provide it instantaneously.  I don’t treat God like a want a relationship with Him, but rather a quick and distinct answer to give me a little boost in the right direction.

     You see, I’ve gotten too comfortable with God giving me what I’ve wanted, and then going back to taking control.  I prayed for a job, and God provided, but once I got what I wanted, my focus turned away from God.  “Thanks for helping me land this job God, but I’ve got it now.”  Then I couldn’t decide on a major, so I prayed for guidance, but as soon as I declared a major, I went back to handling things on my own.  But now I have a problem because God isn’t giving me what I want.  I’m praying for Him to tell me what I should be doing next.  I have a few ideas for how my future may play out and I just want Him to tell me which of my plans is the right one so that I can continue planning and take action.  If He gives me a direct answer, I will be in control and can work on having my life play out the way that I envision it.  

     But in this moment, God is telling me to just sit in this mess.  Yes, my life is a mess right now.  I don’t have things all figured out.  I have questions that I want answers to, and the answer God is giving me is, “You’ll see.”  God is telling me just to sit and be present.  He loves me in my mess and more importantly, He wants to take control of my mess and make something beautiful out of it.  I’m human.  I’ve sinned.  Despite the front that I try to put up, I am so far from perfect.  But the good news is, my God is perfect (Psalm 18:30).  He loves me more than I can ever imagine and He has everything under control.  Even when I am trying to take care of things on my own, He never leaves me because He knows that I am going to fail and that I am going to turn to Him to ask for help.  When my life is falling apart, it’s okay, because God is always intentional.  God is going to provide me with exactly what I need, even if I don’t know what that is. Even when I am sitting in the midst of chaos and my life is a disaster, it’s okay.  God is using that mess.  What may seem like a mess to you and me, is just a small part of God’s grand plan.  His plan is better than any of the hundreds of plans you or I will ever be able to construct.

     God is able to do so much more than we can ever ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20), so when we tell Him we have it under control, we’re telling him that we don’t want what’s best.  We are actually settling.  Allowing God to be in control, even if it means sitting in a mess for awhile, is so much better than being in control for yourself.  When you are sitting in a mess, it’s not because God doesn’t love you or is punishing you.  It’s because His plan, His timing, and His control are ALWAYS better than yours.  So, as hard as it is for me to do, I’m going to continue to surrender my life to Him, every day.  Even when He says, “I’ll fill you in on that later,” I will trust that He is sovereign and that He holds my future.  I will trust that He is working all things for my good because I am choosing to surrender to Him (Romans 8:28).  I will sit in my mess and be grateful.  As messy as my life may seem, God is orchestrating every moment, and if He is the Creator of all good things, then His plan for my life must be far more beautiful than anything that I could try to create.

Author: Mollie