There have been many periods in my life where, on any given day, I’ve found myself in one of two situations. I am either degrading myself and telling myself that I am inferior, or I am exalting myself and priding myself in my accomplishments. These two conditions seem rather different, but I believe they actually stem from the same problem.
One day this summer, as I was driving and thinking lowly of myself, God spoke to me. He clearly told me that my biggest problem was that I was searching for value in all the wrong places. I have believed the lie that if I were to have a boyfriend, I would be happier. If my friends validated me more, I would be happier. If I had more followers and likes on Instagram, I would be happier. If I got invited to more events, I would be happier. The list of lies that I believed could go on and on. As ridiculous as it may seem, I believed, and some days still do believe, that having these things would make me more significant. If I had a boyfriend, it would mean I was beautiful. If my friends validated me, it would mean I was loved. If I had more activity on Instagram, it would mean I was important. If I got invited to spend time with people, it would mean I was treasured.
When my worth is found in things like my relationships, my grades, and my performances, I’m left in unhealthy circumstances. On the bad days, when things aren’t going my way, I am left feeling worthless. When I don’t do as well as I had expected on a test, I don’t get an interview for the job I wanted, or I disappoint my family, I am left unsatisfied. I wonder if I will ever be enough. On the good days, when my boss compliments me, when my friends encourage me, or when I get everything crossed off of my to-do list, I become proud. On the good days and the bad days, when I put my worth in earthly things, I cannot win.
God doesn’t want us to feel worthless. He doesn’t want us to have a bad day and belittle ourselves for it. However, he also doesn’t want us to get caught up in pride and thinking we can be successful on our own. The truth is, we will never be enough… on our own. We will only be seen as adequate when we acknowledge the fact that we need Jesus. When we run to Jesus and accept the gift of salvation, we will see our true worth. Jesus died on the cross to purchase us so that God would look upon Him and pardon us (Romans 5:9). Because of what Jesus did, God sees us as valuable, and we should see ourselves as valuable too. God Himself created us with much thought (Psalm 139:13-16), so we should see ourselves as beautiful. God loved us enough to send his son to die to bring us salvation, so we should see ourselves as loved (Ephesians 2:4). God made each of us with a unique purpose, so we should see ourselves as important (Ephesians 2:10). God has called us to be set apart, so we should see ourselves as treasured (Deuteronomy 7:6). We do not need to try to prove our worth. We just need to live it out.
I still struggle with my worth daily. It is not easy to see myself the way God sees me, but I am striving to do better each and every day. When you learn to see yourself the way that God sees you, you can live a more satisfied life. You can live as though you are beautiful, loved, important, and treasured, because you are! Instead of placing your significance in your own actions and the actions of those around you, place your value in the one action that defines your true worth, the act of Jesus dying on the cross out of love for you. Then you won’t have to experience a rollercoaster ride that takes you from inferiority to arrogance and back down to inadequacy. When you view yourself through the lens of forgiveness, redemption, and humility, you will find fulfillment and satisfaction, despite your circumstances.
